Useful phrases for the gaijin in Japan.

Okay, so while my Japanese ability is still floundering somewhere in the realms of the non-existent, just living here has allowed me to pick up a few phrases that have proved invaluable in getting by. Presenting, my Gaijin's Guide to useful everyday phrases! 

• Hisashiburi: I don't remember meeting you, but you sure as hell seem to know me, so hey!
• Gomennasai: I fucked up. Don’t hate me.
• Summimasen: a catch-all phrase that, in a restaurant, can mean “Oit! Waitress! Gerrover here!” and, everywhere else can mean both “Sorry” and “Thank you”. If you have no idea what to say (i.e. my life 90% of the time), say this and chances are, it’ll be alright.  
• Wakarimasen: I literally have no idea what you’re saying to me. Please stop talking.
• Wakarimashita: I get it. Now shut up before you confuse me.
• Sugoi: siiiiiick.
• Chotto mate kudasai: bitch wait.
• Mo ichi do onegai shimasu: I have no idea what you said but I’m going to kid myself that getting you to repeat it will make things better.
• Nommimasho!: Let’s get so drunk we can’t BREATHE.
• Ikemasho!: This place blows. Let’s get out before I cut somebody.
• Dokko?: I have no idea where that is... you’re going to have to drive me.

So there you have it... if you're ever in Japan, this won't help you understand what's going on, but it might make you look like less of a twat while you try to pay for your car parking ticket with a scratch card.